This is Your Song

For all those like me, who often times want to say “No” but feel the need to justify our boundaries because we fear hurting others feelings, This is your song:

Let’s go ahead and dispose of the context right away so I can clearly state what I’m trying to say.

• It’s perfectly fine to “hit on” someone at a party or a bar or a club or wherever.
• It’s perfectly not fine to be mean to someone for doing so.
• I don’t believe most women find it problematic or irritating when someone finds them attractive, even when they don’t feel the same way about the other person.  Personally, I think that would be a mean reaction.

What I do like about this song is how it addresses boundaries.  In Western culture (I say Western culture because it’s the culture I live in and have the most experience with) many people expect you to justify your response of “No.”  When a person says “no”, they are drawing a boundary.  The reason for drawing a boundary could be as simple as “I don’t want to,” or as complicated as a response to a deep and private emotion.  Whatever the reason for your boundary, nobody has the right to demand you explain it.  This is a form of boundary testing, the purpose of which is to get you to change your mind and do what they want you to, or to see how easy it is to sway you from your decision making.  Insisting on a reason, or persisting in asking after someone has  already said “no” is disrespectful.

Oftentimes we will want to explain our reasons because we care about the person we are interacting with.  We care about their feelings and about how they perceive us.  This is natural and I believe it is ok to do it if you want to. Something I strive to remember in my daily life is that “No” is a complete answer and a completely acceptable answer.

This post is a response to This Is Your Song at the Daily Prompt.